Tiffany's Journal/Version GermanBaby117 ;] Kinda Tragic Kinda Insecure's Journal
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Tuesday, January 7th, 2003

Time:9:51 pm.
Instead of saying what I've been doing since the last time I posted I'm just going post what happened today.
I woke up this morning almost crying because I was so tired and I didn't want to go to school, but I got up, got ready and went.
Math went fast. I have a huge clock infront of me so it goes fast. After that was over, advisory was slow but fun. Language Arts was boring. We read this story that some bitter woman wrote, it was completely biased and I don't even want to get into it.
History was OK. Tomorrow should be fun in there.

On Saturday it will be my birthday party at a gorgeous hotel with a bunch of my girls. The hotel is SOO nice and the pool room is just as hot and set up exactly like Hawaii. Waterfalls and everything.

I know this update sucked but I'm sleepy so I'm gonna go. I will update tomorrow for sure!
2 Got dizzy // Care to tango?

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002

Subject:New Icon
Time:6:29 am.
4 Got dizzy // Care to tango?

Monday, December 2nd, 2002

Time:5:15 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Ugh. I got home last night and hadn't been near a computer since 5 am on Wednesday. So that's my excuse for not updating. I had a pretty good thanksgiving. We all ate moderately so it didn't really feel like thanksgiving for it's a good thing seeing as I'm now going after my diet head first. 20 pounds. I can do it. I will do it. School was really weird today. Speech was usual. I think I'm going to hit the scene over the head with the hammer. I want to do really good on this one. It's the most important one to me thus far. Biology was shitty as usual. Nothing more to say there. French was boring. I fell asleep. Opps. Someone got in contact with me. I'll refer to that person as X. X calls after almost 2 months wondering why I've been avoiding him. After two months with no attempted contact on his part I no longer gave a fuck. I told him so. I don't have time for this bullshit anymore.
Care to tango?

Wednesday, November 27th, 2002

Time:6:39 am.
Mood: cold.
I am going to be gone for a few days for thanksgiving. I apologize ahead of time for not updating until sunday.
Care to tango?

Tuesday, November 26th, 2002

Time:7:36 am.
Mood: awake.
Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. My computer has been whacky on me and to make matters worse lj hasn't been loving me too much either. I get be about an hour late to school today because my mom needs to go to the parent teacher conferences. I may milk it to get a yummy coffee drink. I'm waiting for the Sharon/Jack Osbourne interview. It should be fun. OMG they got more pets. Heh. Anyways I am going to comment on everyone's journal MUCH more now. I love the Osbournes. I wanna get adopted. My little kitty is soooooo cute. She's now sneezing and jumping around. How cute! The other cats can kiss my ass! They shit all over the place. GRRRRRRRRR! Let's see what esle do I have to do today. Not much. Heh. I have to do massive extra credit for Biology. There's not limit on it so I have to work lots. Sandy(Project Partner) pissed me off yesterday. She didn't finish the brochure for the project. She had it on a piece of school paper. And then when she was reading it, she kept stopping and saying "Wait that doesn't make sense". I was like SHUT UP just read the fucking thing. I worked my ass off on the project and ALL she had to do was read the fucking brochure. I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed. If my grade goes down because of that I'm gonna kick her ass. I'm sick of it crap like that. I found how much I love to vent in these things. Heh. This is fun. Now I should start getting ready for school. Bye!!!
Care to tango?

Saturday, November 23rd, 2002

Subject:I'm alive
Time:10:48 am.
Mood: awake.
Heh. Sorry for not updating. I've been really busy. Yesterday was soooo much fun. We had a half day and afterwards I went to Joelle's house. It was really boring at first but as soon as we left we started to have fun. We went to Starbuck's number one to get coffee for her mom and some for us. The chick that was making them said they didn't have the creme she needed to make my chai latte, but while she was making Joelle's frappacino I saw it on the counter. I didn't bring it up because you never know how long it had been sitting there. After dropping off Joelle's mom's coffee, we went to BIG LOTS to look at the thongs. While we were looking, Joelle's boyfriend Nathan and Thadeus came in and starting bugging us. So I simply put a lingere top over me with started checking to make sure it would cover my boobs. Thadeus started having a heart attack and Nathan didn't care at all. He lives with his sister and mom so he's used to it. Then we went to McDonalds and I had a burger and fries. All at once. I put the fries(frites) inside my burger. It was yummy. Then we went into Hallmark, and I was giving Joelle lessons on how to find good shampoo from bad shampoo, it was sooooooooooo funny. Then we went back to Joelle's house and watched everyone play video games. It was fun and I kept distracting them. The funniest thing was when Nathan made a comment about how he has boobs and I opened my coat and was like "But are they better than mine" and Nathan's head swong over and he lost. Then I tried to do the same to Reuben but it didn't work. :( Alittle bit later Feruza came over and we got coffee again and I actually got mine this time but I got a coconut fantasy frap inside of a chai latte and it was sooooo yummy. Then we messed around with video games some more and then all danced and grinded. My neck hurts from all the head banging lessons I took from Joelle's sister Becca. We went outside and grinded but we had to go inside when I cop came by. I stayed over until nine then I came home, ate more McDonalds and went to bed. So overall I had a really good day. ;]
Care to tango?

Monday, November 18th, 2002

Time:9:18 pm.
Soooooooooooooooo much drama has gone on in my life in the last few days that I can't even begin to explain!
Care to tango?

Thursday, November 14th, 2002

Subject:My day
Time:9:17 pm.
Mood: groggy.
Was extra sleepy when I woke up. Barely made it to school on time. Had a fun day in speech. Got to scream and shout and talk in a faux british accent. Fun fun times. In Advisory I chit chatted for once and that was fun. In Biology I got to talk to Ms.Henry. That work is boring but she's cool. awwwwww the baby kitty woke up and was crying because she didn't feel her mom around her so I held her for a while. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. SO CUTE! Anyways back to Biology after BIOLOGY I had lunch, scratch that because I didn't eat. I read magazines in the library all lunch. Then I went to French which wasn't too bad. We learned about travel and tourism. Then I went to the SADD meeting and promoted non sadd stuff. Heh. I also binged on Chips,Dip and Oreos while I was there. Fun times. Came home did some homework and now I'm sleepy. I'm going to go read my history chapters and then go to bed.
Care to tango?

Time:7:58 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
Care to tango?

Wednesday, November 13th, 2002

Time:8:45 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
toooooooooooooo sleepy to write everything so let me do a short version.

Math was easy as usual. SOmething smelled nasty in the room and it turned out to be junk in a desk. The funniest thing was when Jessi in a funny voice said "Asian lovin, put rice all over my body". I thought I was gonna die!

In Advisory Feruza was running all over the place trying to get the answers to the homework she didn't do. I sat and talked to a few people. French hasn't gotten deep enough for me to use it for study time yet.

In English we did the basic journal write and silent reading and then all the other weekly stuff. It was fun because of the people.

In History we did the trial of Socrates which is really fun. I had an awesome time and it was hard to keep from laughing. There are way tooooo many funny personalities in there. Especially the security guard.

Then I came home, and did my homework, made a few phones calls, did my chores, and read for a while. I take the title back there wasn't any drama what so ever. It was a drama free day which surprisingly turned out to be good. ;}
Care to tango?

Subject:Speech stuff
Time:8:39 pm.
Wherefore rejoice? What conquest brings he home? What tribuitaries follow him to rome? To grace in captive bonds his cartiot wheels. You blocks you stones you worse than senseless things. O you hard hearts you cruel men of rome knew you not pompey? Many a time in have you climbed you to walls and battlements to towers and windows, yes to chimney tops, your infants in your arms, and there have sat the livelong day, with patient expectation, To see great pompey pass the streets of tome, and you saw his chariot but appear have you made a universal shout that tiber trembled underneath her banks to hear the replication of your sounds made in her concave shore? And do you now put on your best attire? and do you know cull out a holiday? and do you know stre flowers in his way? that comes in triumph over pompey's blood? BE GONE! Run to your houses, fall upon your knees, pray to the gods to intermit the plague that needs must light on this ingratitude.
Care to tango?

Tuesday, November 12th, 2002

Subject:Stole this from someone hehe you know who you are
Time:6:14 am.
Mood: anxious.
single or taken: Taken ;]
birthday: Jan 2nd GET SHOPPING
sign: Capricorn
siblings: Zack,Sam
hair color: Red
eye color: Brown
height: 5'3.5
shoe size: 8

* R e l a t i o n s h i p s*
who are your best friends? Feruza,Joel some others
do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yep! :D
did you send this to your crush?: nope because their aren't any
did your crush send this to you?: Read Subject
*F a s h i o n S t u f f *
where is your favorite place to shop?: Anywhere with clothes
what do you have anything pierced?: navel
* T h e E x t r a S t u f f *
do you do drugs?: No
what kind of shampoo do you use?: Herbal Essences Fruit Fusion
what are you listening to right now?: Korn
what car do you wish to have?: JAGUAR!!!!
who is the last person that called you?: Um Joel
where do you want to get married at?: Um..I dunno..
how many messenger buddies do you have on-line right now?: Not currently logged on
if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?: Um may height maybe...I Dunno
color: Beige
number: 3
food: Thin food
boy's name: Garrett
girl's name: Skylar
subjects in school: SPEECH!!!!!
animals: My cats
game(s): My computer ones

* H a v e Y o u E v e r *
given someone a bath?: Weekly
smoked?: No
bungee jumped?: I wish
broken the law: I dunno maybe..
made yourself throw-up?: no
gone skinny-dipping?: no

* F i r s t T h i n g T h a t C o m e s T o M i n d *
red: bra
cows: grandma's cow room
socks: toe socks
greenland: iceland

*W h a t ' s w o r s e ?*
barfing on your date or your date barfing on you? I would want to get barfed on...just so he would feel bad not me ;D
* M o r e Q u e s t i o n s *
do you like filling these out? Yes
how many people are you sending this too?: Zero, I have to steal
who will send this back?: No one I'm not sending it
if you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why: Not sure
the last movie you saw at the cinema? Sweet Home
favorite cartoon character?: Ariel
what do you eat for breakfast in the morning?: Coffee
who would you hate benig locked in a room with?: Too many to mention.
who would you want to be locked in a room with?: Heh =)

*5 things you can see*
1. Computer screen
2. Coffee
3. Cell phone
4. Disney Catalog
5. Resume

*5 things you are doing right now*
1. Typing
2. Listening
3. Rushing
4. Reading
5. Sitting

5 things you ate in the last 24 hours*
1. Coffee
2. Dots
3. Tea
4. Rice
5. Water

*5 things you did so far today*
1. Woke up
2. Did make up
3. Made Coffee
4. Turned on Radio
5. Hit snooze
Finish the rest later
Care to tango?

Time:6:12 am.
Mood: distressed.
It's raining out. :(
Care to tango?

Monday, November 11th, 2002

Time:8:48 am.
Mood: bored.
This storm is getting out of control. It's all over the place in the South, it's getting alittle too close to Garrett for comfort for me! Wow JLO is engaged to Ben Affleck what a big surprise.. okay back to the storm it's really cold here and extremely overcast, but I still think it will be okay. I'm suppose to get together with Feruza and Joelle today to have coffee but it's REALLY cold out and I have to walk a really long way to get there so I dunno. I have pretty good coffee right now, iced French Vanilla. Yummy. Last weekend was a lot of fun but I never mentioned it so I will now. On Saturday I went to Krispie Kremes and got some donuts. That place is a MAD house, but you get to watch the donuts being made and then you get a fresh one while you wait. The coffee's really strong and the music is kind of annoying but it's all part of it. That night the played Pearl Jam for the time Pearl Jam tickets went on sale until midnight. I got to hear a lot of great music and stories from their career. It made me happy. On Sunday I went to Wal*Mart(holler), to FINALLY get my TRA pictures developed. Well....the rat bastard developing them had no fucking idea what he was doing and ruined an entire roll of pictures. I only have a few now:( I'll have to steal a ton from the picture sites. {nervous laughter} While I was there, I ate some really bad McDonalds that almost made me sick and people watched. Kylee from Biology was there. She is the most annoying person in the world. She was with her entire family who are all huge(no offense) and look scary as hell. And despite my wishes she did not buy pants that would actually fit her. Okay this weekend I did nothing but go and get my picture taken at Sears, it was fun. I'm bored out of my mind now. I'm going to go sleep or read a book now. Bye.
Care to tango?

Sunday, November 10th, 2002

Time:9:43 pm.
I'll update soon I promise I'm just super tired right now..
Care to tango?

Saturday, November 9th, 2002

Time:11:34 am.
Mood: energetic.
Thanks to GermanBaby117 for this kick ass layout!! I will write tons more later but right now I have to go get my picture taken!
Care to tango?

Tuesday, November 5th, 2002

Subject:Overeatting Triggers
Time:4:48 pm.
Mood: impressed.
Emotions can drive you to overeat. So, too, can other triggers. Learn how to spot them, and you'll learn how to beat them.

Dim lighting: The dimmer the lighting, the higher the likelihood of overindulgence, says a study from the University of California at Irvine. Why? "Brighter lighting forces you to be more aware of what you're eating," says Joe Kasof, Ph.D., lead study author. Beat it by: Sitting outdoors or near windows, using brighter bulbs in your lamps, adding lighting to eating areas, or moving to a brighter room.

Distractions: In another study, when women who normally watched what they ate listened to a taped detective story, they consumed more calories. Researchers suspect the story interfered with the women's focus on keeping calories in check. Beat it by: Clearing all distractions; let the enjoyment of the meal provide your focus.

Low energy: "When your energy's low, you may look for food to pick you up," says Robert E. Thayer, Ph.D., professor of psychology at California State University at Long Beach. Unfortunately, most people reach for calorie-laden treats instead of an apple or banana. Beat it by: Identifying your low-energy times of day and substituting other activities for eating. Take a 10-minute walk or a water-cooler chat break.
Care to tango?

Sunday, November 3rd, 2002

Subject:Why Kurt Why
Time:8:52 pm.
Mood: sad.
I just heard "Ya Know Your right" By Nirvana. It was one of the last songs recorded by Nirvana before Kurt's demise. It makes me soooo sad because the song is awesome probably one of their best and they will never be able to make that amazing music like that again. I am beginning to agree with a lot of people who have said that Kurt Cobain was Nirvana. His voice made the band. I remember when I really was into Nirvana for the first time and I would sit and listen to all of the music over and over again and get horribly depressed because I knew I would never hear music this beautiful again. Now it makes me slightly angry because the music is beautiful and at it's prime, Kurt was singing better than I thought possible and soon enough there won't be anymore music to release.
Care to tango?

Subject:French Stuff
Time:8:11 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Quand es-tu ne?
Je suis le 10 octobre.
Quel age as-tu?
Ou habites-tu?
J'Habite a Renton.
Que fais-tu?
Jai Fas tu joue football.
Comment est ton meilluer ami?
S'apelle Feruza, grande, brun et joue et football americanne.

Je Danse
Tu Danse
Il Danse
Nous Dansissent
Vous Dansisson
ils Dansisenz

Je Obeis
Tu Obeis
Nous Obeit
Vous Obeissons
Ils Obessienz

Je Perds
Tu Perds
Il Perd
Nous Perdons
Vous Perdes
Ils Perdent

Je Vais
Tu Vas
Il Va
Nous Allons
Vous Allez
Ils Vont

Je Vein
Tu Vien
Il Vient
Nous Venons
Vous Venez
Ils Viennent


Comment t'appelles-tu?
J'meppelle Tiffany.
Quel age as-tu?
15 ans.
Quand es-tu ne?
Je suis le 3 novembre.
Ou habites-tu?
Je suis fais tu Renton.
Quelle profession veux-tu etre?
Est-tu enfants unique.
Mont Blanc-Champagne
Coffie-Lace Hats
Les NEZ=Parfum
Rivera(Cote DiAxur)-Sud
Le Tour de france-Le 14 juillet
Chateaaux-Touraine-Jardin de la france
Paris-Capital of France
Champs Elysses-Musesum(Belgium)
Allo-Hello(only on phone)

Flash Cards
J'ai faim-hungry
J'ai peur-scared
J'ai sommeil-tired
J'ai besoin d'argent-need money
J'ai envie manger-I want to eat
Je fais le cuisine-attention

Random Notes

Tu viens aller boire quel que chose meilleure copine, medecin, infirmier,informaticien,avocat,homme,affaires,compatable,ecrivain,pompier

Toi, tu viens d'arriver a la plage. Tu vas nager. Nous venons d'avoirs un accident. Nous aalons telephone a la police. Monsier Le Blanc vient de fair les courses. Il va preparer le diner. Mes copains viement de gagner a la loterie. Il vent acheter une moto vous venez de finir ses devoirs vous allez regarder la tele. Je viens de signer le papier de Lena.

Je Viens
Tu Viens
Il Vient
Nous Venons
Vous Venez
Ils Venez
Ils Vennent
Revenir-Come Back
Venir de + Verbe-To have just done something
Depuis-since/for....x time
Je parle francais depuis d'aris. Je monte a cheval depuis 42 ans ecole.

Christine vient de telephoner.
M.Le Brun Vient de faire les course.
Sabine avoir un rendez-vous. Mme Masson recontre un beau garcon.
Mes Copains viennent de foot.
Care to tango?

Thursday, October 24th, 2002

Subject:Stressed the f&%k out!!!!
Time:6:21 am.
Mood: aggravated.
Sarah had to leave Sadd, so now I am fully incharge of everything. That's a seriously scary thought. I have to miss tomorrow for the funeral and I'm afraid I'm going to slip behind again. I made cheesecake for french class last night, I hope everyone likes it but I don't plan to eat much of everything because French food tends to be a bit blan. In other news the sniper was found here. Well not here but the biggest connection was found here which is scary as hell. I'm glad I talked to Sarah seriously last night. She made me realize I have a lot of work to do on myself. I needed to hear that.
3 Got dizzy // Care to tango?

Monday, October 21st, 2002

Subject:Few Quizzes
Time:2:44 pm.
Mood: calm.
Which "Dead" Artist Are You?

Take the quiz at [clinically insane]

You are Kurt Cobain. You supposedly drugged yourself, wrote a suicide note and proceeded to shoot yourself in the mouth. The controversy? You were THREE TIMES over 'legally drugged', still managed to put away your needle, write a suicide letter and manipulate a shotgun to kill yourself. It just doesn't seem humanly possible. And another thing, Dylan Carlson, your drug buddy, neglected to show PI's the room in which you were later found dead in. Ooh. You didn't commit suicide, buddy. "Conspiracy" is written all over this unsolved mystery.

Which Overrated Band Are You?

Take the quiz at [clinically insane]

I'm Mary-Kate and Ashley looking at porn!

[{LUST}] I'm Mary-Kate and Ashley looking at porn, which of Mary-Kate and Ashley's Seven Deadly Sins are You? by Clicks and Buzzes

Care to tango?

Subject:Last Week Summary
Time:6:15 am.
Mood: amused.
Alright since I didn't have time to write in this thing last week let me do a summary.

Monday Had a good day in speech. Worked my ass off in my classes.Had the open forum and it went great and it was good to be in a room with people who actually cared about things and knew what they were talking about.

TuesdayDon't quite remember what happened here. I know I was bored to tears in math. Language Arts was fun but in History the teacher wouldn't shut up.

Wednesday An exhausting day that left me falling asleep at my computer.

ThursdayBAD SADD MEETING! I was exhausted and felt like I wasted my time. Not to mention I had to haul ass all day to class so I wouldn't get arrested by the tardy police. I also found out that my great grandmother doesn't have much time left.

FridayMy body was dead when I work up. I was completely sore and my stomach hurt sooooo bad. I had to lay in bed for an hour just to get out, then in math we had a surprise test that I couldn't concentrate on because I was soo tired and stressed out. Language Arts was okay but I was still bored and then we had the physco mouse(Wb's Brain) lookibng sub, he was crazed and I had no clue what I was suppose to be working on!

SaturdaySleep in bed all day with my sore body. Went shopping half way through to get cat food and stuff. Bought Shawna her birthday present and got a chai latte with some excederin which finally killed my headache. I spend the rest of the night reading and writing. So it was a good night.

SundaySpent the day preparing for the audition and got there to realize I had nothing to worry about. ;]
Care to tango?

Time:6:11 am.
Mood: accomplished.
Audition went EXCELLENT!! Feruza and I had a great time, the stage was really stage but I think my headshot/resume impressed them. I don't think I'll be getting a call back for this one just because there's only 5 roles total and I fit into non of them. However it was good to get my name out there and now they have my headshot/resume and contact information and I think I impressed them with my monolouge so maybe they'll call me back for another one of their projects. ;]
Care to tango?

Sunday, October 20th, 2002

Time:8:08 am.
Mood: annoyed.
Alright so I have my BIG audition day and I've barely rehearsed not for lack of wanting to but because of lack of time. DAMMIT!!
Care to tango?

Saturday, October 19th, 2002

Time:3:32 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Yay!!!! I got my chai latte!!! I've been on withdrawl since LA! Alright I will seriously update this thing later but right now I'm going to make so chances to my user info and what not. So I'll catch ya later.
Care to tango?

Monday, October 14th, 2002

Time:6:44 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Nicknames: Tiff,Sweetie,Red,Kitty(don't ask),Bitch(my fave),HollyWood
Birthdate: 1/2/87
Zodiac sign: capricorn
Height: 5'4.5
Weight: 120
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Red
Righty or lefty: right
Pets: Azz,Veebee,Ceebee,Bruiser

Number: 12
TV station: MTV
Person to talk to online?: Ummm
Person to talk to on the phone?: Heh
Food: GrapeFruit
Drink: Chai Latte'
Alcoholic drink: none
Flower:Red Long Stem Roses Or Black Roses
Word/Phrase: I Know I was born and I know I will die what's inbetween is mine
Smell/Scent: Kiwi Lime Body Spray
Actor: Josh Hartnett or that guy from fast and furious
Actress: Julia Roberts
Hangout: My room or LA
Summer vacation: Disneyland
Pick-up line: Never recieved a good one

//Juicy stuff//
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: nope
If so, when, and was it mixed company?: See above
Have you ever been intoxicated?: no
Favorite place to be kissed?: Eh?
Have you ever been caught "doing something"?: no
Are you a tease?: haha

//Are you a...//
Wuss: Yep :]
Druggy: nope
Daydreamer: yup
Freak: yup
Dork: no ashley is one enough for all of us
Bitch/Asshole: bitch is my middle name ;D
Brat: yes
Sarcastic: all the time
Goody-goody: yes! It's sad
Angel: mhm
Devil: sometimes
Shy: very
Talkative: Sometimes
Adventurous: when I'm hipper
Joker: kinda
Flirty: not so much

//Future side//
Occupation: You'll see

//Word association//
Rubber gloves: Doctors office
Rock: Is cool
Green: Beans
Wet: Lake
Cry: tissues
Peanut: the peanut commercial
Hay: there
Hot: In Here
Cold: my walk to schools
Steamy: Showers
Fast: dieting
Freaky: the stuff that goes on in my life
Stick shift: Car
Rain: cold
Bite: ouch
Suck: ers
Blow: pops
Hard: to believe

//Random questions that are just good to ask//
Last person you talked to on the phone: Garrett
Last song you listened to: Goo Goo Dolls Song
Last thing you ate: Tea
What's the weather like?: COLD
What's right next to you?: computer,pen,tea, disney catalog
How do you eat an Oreo?: I eat it
Contacts or glasses?: have but don't wear
Do you like to dance?: Not so much
Shy to make the first move?: yep
Ready for the last question?: yes!!!

What are you wearing right now?: track pants and my rock star shirt
current mood: tired
current music: Echos-Incubus
current taste: tea
Current hair: down and fluffy
current dress: Dress?
current annoyance: Having to go to school
Current smell: make up
current game: Game?
current thing: Hmm
current windows open: AIM, LJ, Pop Up
current desktop picture: A Pic
current favorite group: Pearl jam or Staind
current book: Kaffir Boy
current cds in stereo: Mix A, Mix B and Nirvana
Current color of toenails: Brown
current crush: Heh
current favorite celeb: Reese Witherspoon
current hate: That I have to go to school

// have I..//
Smiled?: yes
Laughed?: no
Cried?: no
Bought something?: no
Danced?: no
Were sarcastic?: prolly
Talked to an ex?: no
Watched your favorite movie?: no

// I..//
Smoke?: nope
Do drugs?: nope
Have sex?: nope
Sleep with stuffed animals?: maybe...
Live in the moment?: yes
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yes
Play an instrument?: not anymore
Believe there is life on other planets?: sorta
Remember your first love?: mhm
Still love him/her?: no
Read the newspaper?: yes
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: yes
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
Believe in astrology?: yea
Believe in magic?: yea
Believe in god?: yes
Go to church?: sometimes
Have any pets: yes
Do well in school?: We'll see
Go to or plan to go to college?: Hope so
Wear hats?: no
Have any piercings?: navel
Have any tattoos?: bo
Hate yourself?: sometimes
Have an obsession?: yep
Have a secret crush?: no
Do they know yet?: Read Above
Have a best friend?: FUFU!
Wish on stars?: yes
Like your handwriting?: no
Have any bad habits?: several
Care about looks?: not really
Believe in witches?: Yes

This is my last public entry!
Care to tango?

Wednesday, October 9th, 2002

Time:6:07 am.
Mood: sleepy.
I am ever going to get used to this schedule? It's driving me insane. TRA helped me grow so much but at the same time it's brought me to resent my own school. I miss everyone dearly, well maybe I don't miss a few people...

I should be rushing to get ready for school right now but I do the same thing every day and I'm almost never late. I need to do some serious work around here. My room needs more of a personal feel to it. Maybe so pictures would lighten it up.

So, I am starting to think that maybe this whole acting thing is a horrible idea. I love it and everything but I have spend so much money on it and nothing has happened. However I know that has a lot to do with my shitty agency.

We have no school this friday, I'll probably go shopping with Feruza. She's the best person in the world to shop with. Never a boring moment.

Alright I have nothing esle to say right now.
2 Got dizzy // Care to tango?

Monday, October 7th, 2002

Time:5:30 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Hello there.
Yes it is true I am back from LA. TRA was awesome. I miss everyone already, but at the same time I can't live simply forever. It's time to get back to working my ass off. I didn't work out a single day I was there!!!!!! I had to leave school early today for the factor that I couldn't stay awake, my stomach hurt and my ears were still fucked. My trust issues have been reaffrimed. 4 days really isn't enough time to get to know who people really are. I tried but at the same time I didn't put myself out there. Will I ever? Who knows.

Aside from all of that I got a new script in Speech today and of course got the crazy kooky person. Should be fun. I've talked to the some people from TRA. It's almost like I was invisiable on the last day. I was looking for Aparna and she was looking for me and neither one of us bumped into eachother. Odd.

I realize that I am writing very morbidly. Must fit my mood. I feel very torn at the moment, like a broken doll almost. Will I ever be normal?
Care to tango?

Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002

Time:5:10 pm.
Mood: amused.

What Do You Wear to Bed?

Brought to you by Faytrial

What Kind of Beauty Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Which Magical Order Are You In?

brought to you by Quizilla

You are an Elementalist. Your magic stems from the forces of nature. You might be a forest nuturing Druid, a storm-creating Weather-Wizard or any of the many Elementals, but one thing is sure-- your bond with nature is strong. You can rely heavily on nature to support yourself aesthetically or physically for it lends you both comfort and strength. Your instincts rarely fail you. You are vibrantly passionate but are sometimes carried away by your own emotions.

What type of artist are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
You're the classic starving artist. You thrive and take pride in the pain that you turn into art. You've probably had a very traumatic childhood and now confide in paper more than people... You have trouble remembering where you put your damn pens... all the time.

Care to tango?

Time:3:40 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
I was sitting up in my bed all snuggled up, when a heard a knock on my door and told them to come in. I told it was going to be one of the kids but it was FERUZA she came to bring me Russian Candy as a good luck present for TRA! SHE ROCKS!!!!! I must get her something from LA!! I have too!!!!!!!
Care to tango?

Tuesday, October 1st, 2002

Subject:Disturbing Journal Entry from the Chick
Time:5:26 am.
I made a cake tonight, golden... and it will be dressed up with a white creamy coconut frosting... mmm, can't wait. I have the hungry horrors today... I had a small cheese pizza, then went out and bought my cake mix, and stopped to pick up some pork fried rice on the way home. It's all I've had today, but I sure am making up for lost time tonight. :) LOL

I've always wondered when my kitchen was going to be like my mom's kitchen. It never is. Everytime I want to make something I have to buy almost every single ingredient to get the job done. My mom's kitchen was magic... we could make anything anytime we wanted. I could probably call her now and say "I'd really like a chicken pie" and she'd have it all... crust included. I just don't get it. The only thing I can figure is that is just appeared like everything was there.... because it's mom. I just didn't see the behind the scenes scrambling to get dinner made, etc.

Well, either way... I like the illusion of that magic kitchen. And of course it's mom's... they always have everything you need. :)

Care to tango?

Thursday, September 26th, 2002

Time:6:00 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Okay hi.

I've been so busy lately I have hardly had any time to get to this time.

I missed it.

Yesterday was good it was a half day, so I cleaned my room. I'm sucha wild girl. ;]

Today I have my scene in speech. The Fantasticks one. It should be fun if my partner is awake. He hates no one though so some of his lines aren't realistic.

I'm going to LA(Tra) in seven days now. Yay. I'm excited yet nervous. I am so glad they set up that yahoo group, it has really has calmed my fears of flying and traveling alone because I found out 3 other people going there are going to be on my flight including Aaron and his boyfriend. YAY.

I have a sadd meeting today. Please lord let me live through it. Alright I gotta go now or I'll be late again.

Care to tango?

Thursday, September 19th, 2002

Time:6:12 am.
Mood: happy.

I'm waiting for my clothes and nails to dry right now. I'll probably fuck them up while typing this but oh well. Anyways yesterday was a good day. Speech was fun even though I didn't get to see performances or perform it was still fun as always. I have to ride on a girl shoulders in there today.

I'll explain more about that later. Biology was boring as usual. The only fun thing was watching all the guys get in trouble and everyone get annoyed by Kylee.

French was okay. Not too boring. It went by fast which is good. The guy that sits next to me is really nice.

Math was usual. The teacher is really nice. If she thinks we won't have enough time to finish the problems in class she'll cut our homework in half. What other teacher does that?

Language Arts was fun. We took a stupid reading test on the computers in the library then checked out books. It was a pretty easy.

World History was easy too. We just took a test and then discussed fossels and what not.

After school I hoddled around school talking to people. Feruza had to help me open our locker again. I swear it hates me. Joel called after stomp practice and help arrange our plans for the weekend which go as followed. I am going to attend my SADD meeting after school on friday then go home and get taken over to her house.

Should be fun. Joel's parents seem really nice and Feruza tells me their the cutest ever. I can't wait to me them.

Crap my nails still aren't die. My clothes probably are by now but if I go get them I'll get nail polish all over the place. Grr. I'll have to wait and possibly be late AGAIN. I could leave twenty minutes later than I do and still make it on time but then I would be all sweaty and nasty which isn't what I need especially in a speech class.

I finally found my second cd case yesterday. I was soooooo happy to see it. Now to just find the million other things I've lost. ;]

It's weird being able to walk down the halls at school and see people I've known since kindergarden. Katherine shocked the hell out me yesterday. She always used to be miss goody gum drop but now she's dyed her hair jet black, wears black lipstick and wears skater type clothes.

Nothing wrong with any of that it just freaked me out. MY NAILS STILL AREN'T DRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crap crap crap.

I'm sitting here in my pajamas like an idiot while I should be walking to school.



Ashley I hope you have a good day at school today and finally get your "boyfriend" if that's what you truly want.

Oh yeah and I changed the message thingy so somebody please comment so I can see how good it looks!

Thanks love ya bye.
1 Got dizzy // Care to tango?

Tuesday, September 17th, 2002

Time:6:29 am.
I'll update after school.
Care to tango?

Time:6:13 am.
Mood: devious.
The sky looks really creepy this morning. The clouds are really dark. It looks like the world is going to end. Yesterday it didn't rain when I was walking to school but today it looks like the clouds might burst open on me when I'm walking.


I'm waiting for my clothes to dewrinkle right now. My nails have also been seriously pissing me off. I need new top coat. Let me just add that to the list right next to get a life. Today I am going to drink tons of water to try to stay hydrated better.

I am taking a large bottle with me and three normal sized ones. I have to drink all of them by the end of the school day or esle I am going to punish myself. I'm going to have to pee a lot. ;]


Waiting for my clothes to dry. Dry! Ah well now I do gotta pee. I'll write more later.
Care to tango?

Wednesday, September 11th, 2002

Subject:Amazing survivial story
Time:10:11 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
LYNNWOOD - Financial company Morgan Stanley was the largest tenant of the World Trade Center, occupying 20 floors.

Out of the 3,700 employees in the building, all but 13 survived the attacks.

One of those survivors, Dan Pelletier, lives in the Puget Sound area. He was in New York City for training on Sept. 11.

At key points in his life, Dan gets guidance from a little voice in the back of his head. There was the one that said, "that's her" when the woman who would become his wife walked into the room in 1984.

And there was the one that said "go have a smoke" when he was on the 61st floor of the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001.

That voice put Dan in harm's way -- in a crowd running for cover. He stopped and looked at a fire burning in tower one, trying to understand what was happening, when he heard a thunderous noise - but didn't know what it was.

He later learned it was the second jet - engines full throttle.

Running For Cover

"There was this earthquake," he describes. "And a thud. And people screaming. And then an explosion.

"You could see the debris hitting the ground and coming towards me like this grey curtain. There were people on the ground being helped by medics, they were evacuating the buildings, people on the streets, and the debris. Just coming down."

Dan ran for cover again.

Five hours and eight miles later, he was back at his hotel, and called his wife, Jan. He took a bus back to Seattle.

"I think about it everyday," Dan says. "I usually try to keep pretty busy. Specifically, so I don't think about it all day long."

What a year to start a new career. He's now a financial advisor with Morgan Stanley.

He is battered. He is edgy.

'I Have To Give Back'

While talking to KOMO 4 News, he paused and looked at a plane flying overhead.

"Plane," he observed and paused. "I actually leave my house to look at planes. Once in awhile, one will come over the house fairly low, and it's not a good thing."

Dan did not seek counseling. But he talks a lot with his wife.

He lost his wedding ring on Sept. 11 and bought new, matching rings for both of them. They are closer than ever.

He is healing.

"I have to give back," he says emphatically. "That's all I know. I have to give back."

What did Dan get that makes him feel he has to give something back?

"I'm alive," he answers. "By inches. That stuff that was flying over my head, over my shoulder, whizzing past my ears and exploding on the sidewalk? I'm here by inches."

The way Sept. 11 looked and the way it sounded, those things are burned in his memory. He says he is not blessed to have survived it.

"That implies that the people who didn't make it, weren't blessed," he says. "And there were some of those people who were far better than I am."

Dan Pelletier says he is simply a smoker who listened to a voice in the back of his head, and got lucky.

Sept. 11, In Dan Pelletier's Words

Below is a letter Pelletier wrote, unedited, on Sept. 21, 2001, describing the horror he went through during the terror attacks.

I finally made it home Wednesday the 19th of September.

As many of you know, at the end of August I was hired by Morgan Stanley. On September 9, 2001, I flew to New York City for three weeks of training.

It was my first time in New York. My cab ride to the hotel on the Upper East Side took me past names and places I had only read or heard about.

Monday the tenth was the first day of class…there were 273 trainees on the sixty-first floor of the World Trade Center, Tower 2.

The view was breathtaking. To look down on New York harbor, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island…Looking uptown to the Empire State building and the Chrysler building…Wow!

We left our first day of orientation in the pouring rain. I had time to toss a quarter over my shoulder into the churchyard of Trinity Church (across from the New York Stock Exchange) as per tradition (for luck), and rode a subway back uptown. I was ready. Bring on the learning!

Tuesday, September 11, 2001 class began at 7:30 with Philip Roth, chief technical analyst for Morgan Stanley. I was in my element. He spoke for a little over an hour. We had a break and were to resume at 9:00.

I got up to leave and have a cigarette. Had a bit of an argument with myself (Those voices in my head…) about taking my eyeglasses. "Take your glasses case, no just the sunglasses, take the case…Take your jacket with your cell-phone and palm…"

Hey, I was just going out for a cig…so I put on my sunglasses and rode the elevators down 61 floors (ignoring the voices in my head).

I looked at my watch as I exited the south side of Tower 2. 8:48…Lots of time.

As I walked out onto the Liberty Street Plaza, a sound assaulted my ears. There was no visual frame of reference. It was a screaming roar that turned into a crash that turned into a basso profundo explosion. People screamed. I looked up.

Over the top of, and around the sides of Tower 2 was a fireball, smoke, and stuff. Stuff in the sky falls. No understanding, it was simply fight or flee mentality that took over.

In front of me in the plaza, there were large concrete planters to prevent terrorists from bombing the buildings. I ran for a gap. People were already bunched up there. I dodged to the left gap. Folks were running.

Ten or so feet to my left the cluster of people got through the gap, there were four or six of them…a large piece of something the size of a Volkswagen slammed into them…they disappeared…gone forever.

Off to my right brick size chunks of stuff were slamming into the sidewalk.

I ran leftish towards Building 4 that had a bit of an overhang. A tubular pedestrian barrier used by construction workers was in my way. I cleared it in a perfect hurdle (those of you who know me well can laugh at that one). A woman stood there next to the overhang, screaming, frozen. I spun her and slammed her into a corner covering our heads until the sound of falling stuff stopped.

Have you ever heard a dump truck empty a load of gravel? The sound of small stones raining on pavement? That was the sound. Glass, chunks of concrete, and steel, without the scraping off the bed of the truck sound. An evil rain of murder.

Flaming stuff, the tinkle of glass. Debris falling and littering the plaza.

The silence before the sirens.

A twisted metal (about 3' x 8') moebius strip lay smoking twenty-five feet away.

The sky was filled with papers, confetti of misfortune carried off in the wind.

I was unsure of what just happened. I just saw some folks die…but I had no idea what really happened.

I walked around Building 4, up the street a bit and climbed a raised plaza next to the Millennium Hotel.

And looked up at Tower 1.

The flames coming out the windows were all wrong. Something was not right about the fire itself.

Someone said a plane crashed into the building. I disbelieved it. A Cessna could not do that much damage.

The office buildings began to empty and the streets began to fill with the onlookers, workers, and folks on their way to work.

I tried to borrow a cell-phone but there was no signal. I needed to call my wife to tell her I was okay.

I milled about, I had no idea what to do…I looked for co-workers and smoked a cigarette. A jet was flying out over the harbor, framed in the blue sky.

I did not see it turn as it passed behind the burning, doomed Tower 1.

I did hear the roaring scream of the engines at full throttle as it slammed into Tower 2.

When you see the pictures on the television, the 767 that took off with 13,900 gallons of jet-fuel slam into the tower, I was on the opposite side. I could not have seen the plane. The explosion out the other side? It was right above me.

The roaring scream turned into a crash that turned into a huge explosion and the entire upper side of the building came out in a fireball towards me.

The fireball…the explosion…and the whole upper floors of the building coming out towards me…those were the floors I was just on 20 minutes ago.

But there was something else that you will never see on the television. You will never hear it. The made for TV movie will not get it right. It was the sound…

The roaring scream turned into a crash that turned into a huge explosion and the two hundred thousand people that had cleared their offices began to scream. And run. I shall always be haunted by the melding of the sounds, and the final scream of a city's humanity running in terror.

I said my favorite one syllable curse word.

There was no bravery, no heroics…Blind panic set in, and I ran with the crowd.

It was ugly. People were pushing. People were being trampled. Stuff falling out of the sky was taking its toll on people around me. The crowd took on a seething fluid quality finding the path of least resistance with the serpent's survival mind.

I rode the crowd to a tree and stood behind the tree, holding on for dear life as the crowd parted around me.

Once again, an evil rain of murder was moving towards me. The debris of concrete, steel, busted up, blown apart God knows what was moving out and away from Tower 2, a swathe that laid waste to everything in it's path, leaving nothing behind but blood and doom. I could hear the rain of terror (a clattering tattoo of debris) getting closer over the din of screaming, left the safety of the tree and rode the crowd again. I darted around a corner.

I had no idea what was occurring inside Tower 2. As far as I knew, my entire class of 273 trainees was dead.

I knew my glasses, blazer, cell-phone, and Palm were toast…And I had just witnessed hell…I was alone, and lost in Gotham.

I walked in circles around the canyons of Wall Street, I had no idea which way to go, no sense of direction…muttering "Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God".

More confetti of anguish filled the air.

Dazed, confused, I tried to call Jan (my wife) and tell her I was all right. Phones were dead. Oh my God, I could not tell her I was alive!!!

I knew she would watch this on the television from three thousand miles away and not know…

I began to ask directions north. I was given many different answers…

"North? What's north?"

"Go that way."

"No go that way."

I wandered. Folks were gathered around cars with radios on. It was a hijacked jet (made sense)…"and there were two more up there".

I was still close enough to Tower 2 when it went down to hear it, and feel the rumble in the street. My back was turned. I heard the noise. There were "Two more out there". I ran for cover.

My walk north took me to the east river via Delancy Street (yeah, I crossed it), where I began to walk to the real north. Two Bond analysts took me under their wings, walked with me to Grand Central Station, and provided directions back to the Upper East Side.

It was almost five hours before I finally got a call through to Jan.

Many wives, husbands, sons and daughters would never get that call.

It would be a week before I would feel her arms around me again…and until that moment, I was not sure if my life was real.

Somewhere I lost my ring (pretty sure it's buried in the ruble by the tree…).

I replaced my cell days later and got to hear all my messages of folks telling me to call them.

All my phone numbers were in my Palm. Although (the smart guy I am), I always have a hard copy extra…in my briefcase…. gone.

But I was alive. Traumatized, but alive.

Morgan Stanley occupied twenty floors of 2 World Trade Center. There were roughly three thousand eight hundred and seventy three Morgan Stanley employees there that Tuesday morning. All but six are accounted for and safe. My entire class made it out safely.

They began an escape as soon as the first plane struck Tower 1.

I have a good friend who was on the 54th floor landing of the emergency exit of Tower 2 when the plane struck.

He had no idea that a plane had struck either tower until he exited the tower; he did know something was seriously wrong. By the time he made it to the 15th floor, they could smell smoke and kerosene (jet fuel).

Fourteen Morgan Stanley Tower 2 survivors got on a chartered bus and headed west towards home. I noticed that the further west I headed, the more callus people were. By the time I got to Portland Oregon to see my sister, many folks had the attitude that it was something on television. I was told it was "unreal". It was like a movie.

It was nothing like a movie. Not even close to television.

It was very real. They struck at our heart. They killed thousands of innocents in a single fell blow.

We have tried the peace bit for thirty years. It is never good enough, they always want more. I do believe we just got the wake-up call.

The world has changed. My life has changed.

Some say that I am blessed to be alive. I say that that implies that 6,330 were what…damned? Not blessed? Some were most likely far better and more honorable than I.

Nay, I am not blessed. I am simply a smoker, who got lucky.

Right now, I am simply glad to be at home with the love of my life…and my friends.

I get a second chance. That option was never provided for six plus thousand.

And that my friends is what made this act worse than any act of war…this goes beyond terrorism…this goes beyond the barbaric. The uninformed liberals of this nation who are barking false words and justifications for these actions should have been there. They should be helping instead of talking (which is very cheap).

Too much speech and not enough thought has transformed this country into a fat slovenly parking lot of inaction. Folks think they can protest and that protesting is action. Protesting is a waste of supposed action.

As I type this Hollywood fakes are trying to join the cause from a safe distance…"Give give give" they say.

I believe the final toll will be far more than six thousand. We have given.

Give back some of the millions we have given you over the years and stop using the deaths of innocents for your own publicity.

Most are pulling together. But there are a few…

Oh…By the way…I don't think they're finished with us, and appeasement has never worked.

I'm going to go hug Jan.

Dan Pelletier
Lynnwood, WA
September 21, 2001

Above is, and will remain unedited for content. Total deaths are currently estimated at just shy of three thousand.

Total deaths for Morgan Stanley were thirteen (out of four thousand employees in the tower at the time of the attacks).
1 Got dizzy // Care to tango?

Subject:A few stories from 9/11
Time:3:18 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
Name: Steve Alonso


Residence: Brooklyn, New York

Tower story: A detective with a Staten Island narcotics unit, Alonso raced to his station and then to the World Trade Center on September 11, spending the next several months sifting through concrete, steel, office and human debris at Ground Zero and then at Fresh Kills landfill. He vividly describes the "Armageddon" scene, saying the experience left him unable to sleep, eat or function normally for weeks after the attacks.

In their words: "I found a lot of body parts. I felt I was the last to interact with this person, putting an end to their horror."

-- Alonso on sifting through the World Trade Center rubble

From nightmare to reality
Cop sorts through physical, mental impact of 9/11
The following story is one in a series of profiles based on interviews from "Tower Stories," an independent project showcasing firsthand accounts from those directly and indirectly affected by the September 11 terrorist attacks on the United States.

NEW YORK (CNN) -- He had seen many friends, his co-workers on the New York police department, reel from gunshots. He had hurdled over bodies wounded by gunshots on the Empire State Building's observation deck in late February 1997 to snare two children and carry them to safety. He had witnessed many drug deals and narcotics-related confrontations on his beat.

But nothing prepared Detective Steve Alonso for what he saw on September 11.

"I looked around, I was in awe," he said of reporting to Ground Zero from Staten Island, where his narcotics unit is based, soon after the towers collapsed. "It was like a dream -- everything was in slow motion. Everybody was in total shock."

The nightmare stayed with Alonso for months as he dug for lost colleagues on "The Pile" and sorted through related debris at Fresh Kills landfill, all in addition to his regular shifts.

"For a while I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep," he said. "The tragedy was sitting in my mind, playing back, re-running every night."

In time, though, his appetite and daily routine returned, just as drug dealers and the like came back the streets after a brief post-September 11 reprieve.

But his experiences on that and after day left him with strong convictions -- about New Yorkers, terrorism and the "heroism" displayed by police officers every day.

At his girlfriend's request, Alonso, 33, on September 10 had requested the next day off. He was still sleeping around 9 a.m. on September 11 when his mother called and woke him up, telling him a plane had just hit the World Trade Center.

Alonso turned on the TV, guessing some "moron" had accidentally run off course. He then called his supervisor who said, "Get in here. A big plane just plunged into the towers."

He raced from Brooklyn to Staten Island, pulling into the station as a low-flying commercial airliner soared overhead. Thirty seconds later, the plane slammed into the South Tower.

By the time he and several officers reached the site, both towers had collapsed. The scene was pure "Armageddon," said Alonso. Wearing jeans, windbreaker and boots, he plunged into the rubble searching for survivors.

"That whole day, everything was on fire, buildings were collapsing, people running north," he said.

That day, Alonso got a surge of hope when he spied a clenched hand sticking out from the debris. He began digging furiously, grabbing the arm -- which had $40 in cash in its hand -- and nothing else. As he did often over the next few days, Alonso called for a body bag.

"I found a lot of body parts," he says. "I felt I was the last to interact with this person, putting an end to their horror."

'Being a cop is an act of heroism'
After several weeks, Alonso was transferred to the Fresh Kills landfill on Staten Island, where 1.8 million tons of Ground Zero debris had been floated on 100,000 barges for a thorough, final search.

Workers sifted through the debris as it passed by on a conveyor belt and found all types of personal mementos while looking for evidence that could lead to a victim or aid the investigation.

The scale of the destruction was hard to fathom at first. "You look at this crushed metal and wonder, 'How does a three or four-ton beam crumble up like a piece of paper,'" says Alonso.

But the attacks had also strengthened the city, he says, bringing New Yorkers together and, after several scandal-ridden years, putting police in a positive light.

Despite the dangers inherent in the job and the public's love-hate relationship with police, Alonso says he loves being a police officer -- and having the chance to make a difference.

"Me being a cop, I think, 'Is this what I want to do the rest of my life?'" he says. "But being a cop is an act of heroism. You have to deal with it every single day."
Name: Arlene Charles

Age: 46

Residence: Brooklyn, New York

Tower story: Charles was working as an elevator starter on the North Tower's 78th floor when American Airlines Flight 11 slammed into the building. She and a badly burned friend escaped from the tower, with Charles eventually walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and back home.

In their words: "She was literally on fire. Her face was all red. Her fingers peeled back. No skin left."

-- Charles on her friend Carmen Griffith's condition minutes after the jet hit the North Tower

Arlene Charles: A downward spiral to safety
WTC elevator starter relives tragic day
The following story is one in a series of profiles based on interviews from "Tower Stories," an independent project showcasing firsthand accounts from people directly and indirectly affected by the September 11 terrorist attacks on the United States.

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Everything around her was pitch black. But there was no mistaking the sounds.

The first -- a colossal "Boom! Like everything started shattering in the building" -- thrust Arlene Charles flat on her face by the north tower's 78th floor Command Desk, which she was working as an elevator starter the morning of September 11.

The lights went out, then came the screams. After a few petrified minutes, Charles recognized that the screams were coming from her friend and colleague, Carmen Griffith.

The two followed each other's voices and when they finally met up -- several minutes after Flight 11 slammed into the building, less than a dozen floors up -- Griffith was "bawling" and burning, said Charles.

"She was literally on fire," Charles, 46, recalled in her distinct Grenadan accent. "Her face was all red. Her fingers peeled back. No skin left."

Charles gathers outside First Unitarian Church in Brooklyn, New York, with former colleagues after support group meeting for World Trade Center survivors.

Griffith later said a blaze surged into her face when she tried to open the door of the elevator she was riding. She managed to squeeze onto the 78th floor landing -- even as the flames continued to ravage her skin.

A man on that floor invited Charles and Griffith into his office as they tried to somehow assuage Griffith's pain and plot what to do next. Charles' colleagues radioed her constantly, urging her to head downstairs. But Charles wouldn't budge unless her friend, Griffith, went with her.

Then "Carmen told me, 'Arlene, I don't want to die like this. Let's get out of here,'" Charles recalled.

Aided by a Port Authority worker who had followed Griffith's screams from the 88th floor, they began the slow, grueling descent down 20, 40, then 60 floors. On the way, a stranger offered his shirt and water, and firemen opened their hoses to soothe Griffith, who was still crying out that she was burning, said Charles.

Charles reached the concourse and threw herself down on the floor, exhausted, until a co-worker came over and led her to an ambulance. Moments after she left the ambulance, the south tower fell -- and Charles was on the run again.

"I felt like the whole city was falling apart," she said. "I didn't see anybody I know. I saw this guy and I begged him, 'Please don't leave me,' because I was scared. 'No'... he said. 'I'm not leaving you.'"

After that, Charles walked and walked and walked -- eventually over the Brooklyn Bridge and over to the intersection of Dean Street and Third Avenue, where a cousin picked her up. They went to her aunt's house but Charles couldn't go home: Her house key, as well as her money and pocketbook, were by then somewhere in the Trade Center rubble.

In time, Charles did return home. She met up with her petrified 13-year-old son Jamahl who, thinking his mother had died, ran away from school at lunchtime, and she comforted her other son, 10-year-old Jaleel. And after fielding phone calls from concerned relatives, friends and school administrators, Charles finally gave herself time to breathe.

Her workplace of the last 21 years, the north tower, was gone. Her livelihood would have disappeared too, Charles said, if not for the earnest efforts of her union to keep her afloat financially.

But far worse, many of Charles' friends -- some close friends such as a colleague who died taking a group up to the 106th floor, other casual acquaintances like those from Cantor Fitzgerald, the bond-trading firm based on the tower's 101st through 105th floors -- were also gone.

"We knew everybody in that building," said Charles. "It was like a family."

"This is something I'll never get over. Never," she added. "I came to this country 30 years ago [from Grenada]. I love this country. But this wasn't what I expected, you know?"
Care to tango?

Subject:9/11 poem
Time:5:29 am.
Care to tango?

Time:5:05 am.
Care to tango?

Subject:Pointless quiz to keep my mind off of things
Time:5:00 am.
Mood: amused.
1. Are you an innie or an outie? A pierced innie.
2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms? yep
3. Have you ever written a song? yes
4. Can you make change for a dollar right now? no
5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's bathroom? no
6. Have you ever smelled your own feet? no
7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your french fries?Beside...
8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose? Nope
9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout? yes
10. Have you ever broken a mirror? Yes
11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole? no ice cube
12. What is your biggest pet peeve? judgemental bitches
13. Do you slurp your drink after its gone? no
14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk? yes
15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper? whopper
16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? No
17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic? It doesnt really matter to me....
18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza. False.
19. Did you have a baby blanket? Yes, i still do :D
20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair? yes when I was littke
21. Have you ever sleepwalked? Nope
22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds? yes
23. Can you flip your eye-lids up? no
24. Are you double jointed? nope
25. If you could be any age, what would you be? either really young or 18
26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair? Yes
27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride? only on them
28. What is your dream car? jag
29. What is your favorite cartoon of all time? simpsons and daria
30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child? No
31. How many cavities do you have? 3
32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit? ew
33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, which would you do first: unbuckle your seat belt or open your window? Unbuckle my seat
34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? no
35. Can you pick something up with your toes? Sadly yes
36. How many remote controls do you have in your house? Too many 2 count....
37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school? Uncountable times in french
38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year? twice
39. How many foreign countries have you visited? none
40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal? nope
41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy? Rich, famous and unhappy BABY
42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float? Swim cause I’m a dumbass
43. At what age did you first try to drive a car? 7
44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost? yes
45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean? nope
46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland? Cinderella
47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points? Crayons
48. Do you prefer light or dark bread? dark
49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs? Scrambled please
50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas? Several times
51. Do you talk in your sleep? nope
52. Would you rather shovel show or mow the lawn? Snow
53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python? NEITHER!!!!!
54. Have you ever played in the rain? YES!
55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark? an angry bear
56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten? YES
57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? maybe
58. Do you drink pepsi or coke? PEPSI
59. What’s your favorite number? 58
60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car? JAG ALL THE WAY
61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel? Yes, ::hides her stolen soap::
62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table? Hope not
63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub? Shut up ><
64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap? I use body gels!!! Smelling pretty
65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house? YES
66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices? a simpsons voice :D
67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be? Julia Roberts for acting tips
68. Have you ever made a semi truck honk? yes
69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes? Nose because you can have it fixed
70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like? Always do
71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like? no
72. Have you ever returned a gift? Yes
73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you? maybe
74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be? boggle
75. How many pairs of shoes do you own? More than the mall
76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her? NO
77. Do you sing in the car? hells yeah!
78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey? HONEY!
79. What is your favorite breed of dog? Brusier!!
80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter? yes
81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike? I wouldn’t be a bike
82. What is your least favorite fruit? The molded kind
83. What kind of fruit have you never had? Some tropical kind I can’t spell
84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick? RAVE
85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most? None
86. How many letters will/did I earn in my high school career? 0
87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat? Ashley and a Sleepy Feruza
88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in? The force that watches tv
89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane? yes
90. What do you think is your best feature? EVERYTHING j/k I dunno
91. If I were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for? Rock
92. What is your favorite season? winter
93. How many members do you have in your immediate family? Too many
94. Which of the five senses is most important to you? Sight but all are really
95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer? singer
96. Have you ever ridden a tortoise? no
97. How many years will/did you end up going to college? 4?
98. Have you ever had surgery? no
99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player? FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
100. What do you like to collect? cds
Care to tango?

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